Minusta sina olet kaunis ja kiltti? niin . viehattava suu ja silmat kuin teevadit
pidan silmistasi
Buber's philosophy of dialogue constituted a radical departure from the psychoanalytic view of the individual prevalent at the time. the I-It mode entails seeing the other through the lens of one's own needs or distortions. This can take the form of business deals or functional relationships. More insidiously, I-It can take the form of abusive or exploitive relationships, in which the other is dealt with on the basis of desires
The I-It mode is utilitarian and self-focused, and the danger is that one can deny or obliterate the humanity of the other
Buber considers the dialogical space that is opened when persons relate to each other..At one level, from its inception family therapy posed a relational view of persons; that, indeed, was its revolutionary challenge. But especially among strategic schools, many early family therapists were far from dialogical
The competitive model, which is endemic in our society, invades couples' relationships as well. Partners are often caught in a zero-sum game, in which one wins and the other loses. They may be caught up in sibling rivalry with each other, each seeking to curry the approval or favor of the therapist. Some couples therapists feel caught between the competing agendas and claims of the partners. Perhaps the first challenge of therapy, after joining, is to help the couple
Partners are encouraged to become authors of their own relationship
Inevitably, the magical trance of the early relationship yields to reality The magic of the early relationship lies precisely in the sense that one is seen and confirmed to the depths of one's being (although the view from magic may be based in illusion or distortion). The desire to be confirmed
The basis of one's life with [another] is twofold, and it is one-the wish of every [person] to be confirmed as what [s/he] is, even as what [s/he] can become, by [another]; and the innate capacity in [persons] to confirm others in this way....
Buber notes that at times we try to wrest confirmation from others by seeming to be what we are not, by being inauthentic. Buber calls this "seeming," and he contrasts it with "being." Seeming is remarkably close to Winnicott's (1965) "false self"; it arises out of the need for confirmation. Being is similar to Winnicott's "true self." Maurice Friedman ( 1985) explains, "The tendency toward seeming originates in man's need for confirmation, and in his desire to be confirmed falsely rather than not to be confirmed at all
Coming to accept one's parents includes shifting to a view of parents as "real people"
This approach supports the notion of multiple realities rather than a single truth. hehe we fears that he will have to sacrifice his own touchstones of reality, the goal is empowerment of the
can manage not to be defensive about these moments
newa
